Herman joins the Army

Herman joins the Army
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
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On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
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On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
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On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
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The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Absolutely the funniest joke ever.....

Absolutely the funniest joke ever..... ON US !!!
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>Let it sink in.Quietly we go like sheep to slaughter.
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Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY ..... during the Carter Administration?
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Anybody?
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Anything?
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No?
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.....Didn't think so!
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Bottom line ... we've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency ... the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember.
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>Ready???????
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It was very simple .. and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate...
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The 'Department of Energy' was instituted on 8-04-1977 -----TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCEON FOREIGN OIL.
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Hey, pretty efficient, huh?????
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AND NOW IT'S 2009, 32 YEARS LATER ... AND THE BUDGET FOR THISNECESSARY DEPARTMENTIS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!
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THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY"WHAT WAS I THINKING?"
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Ah, yes, good old bureaucracy...And NOW - we are going to turn the Banking System, Health Care & the Auto Industry over to government?
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May God Help Us !!!

DONALD AND DAISY........

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'
Donald frowned and said, 'No.'
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?
'No!' Donald quacked, ‘I'll thuffocate’

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt. Men . . . .

Ya just gotta laugh---or just smile

Saying good -bye to Mother


> > We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. > > > > We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.> > > > The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. > > > > My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Good-bye to my mother." > > > > A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" > > > > The cab driver hit a parked car.